“What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: “This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, all in the same succession and sequence—even this spider and this moonlight between the trees, and even this moment and I myself. The eternal hourglass of existence is turned upside down again and again, and you with it, speck of dust!
Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: “You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine.” If this thought gained possession of you, it would change you as you are or perhaps crush you. The question in each and every thing, “Do you desire this once more and innumerable times more?” would lie upon your actions as the greatest weight. Or how well disposed would you have to become to yourself and to life to crave nothing more fervently than this ultimate eternal confirmation and seal?”
A collection of thoughts, opinions, and writings. • Ask me anything
brave new world
i can feel the warmth of the sun on my back
i feel so imperfect but i am perfect with every imperfection
i think one of the biggest mistakes we make is thinking that we are alone in this world and we aren’t we just aren’t
i get scared sometimes but i feel strong
i spend a lot of time with a lot of great people and it’s going to be sad when i leave but it’s beautiful knowing that i have the luxury of missing and being missed
everything’s very nice right now. i would say that i am happy. sometimes i yearn for more. it’s hard sometimes. having a lot of friends is nice. being likeable is nice. but sometimes i miss having something more. something deeper. i’m content right now, though. i think. i mean. kinda. i mean. yeah.
look, i’m healing, alright? what do you expect from me.
what do you expect.
it feels nice to be wanted again.nice to be remembered.
it feels nice to be the go-to friend.
it feels nice to be missed again.
it feels nice to be missed.
Davis
Michael E. Bennett
2Spirit Tattoo
San Francisco, CA
childthepeacemaker.tumblr.com/
Hey look. It’s me.
(Source: fuckyeahtattoos)
i miss you
i don’t fully understand what’s going on
how can i feel so much better for so long
and it feels like everything’s healed and everything is going to be fine
but then one night i get to thinking and it rips open again
like a fucking scar that i thought had healed over it ripped open all over again and it fucking hurts and i’m just so fucking sad.
fuck this.
i’m getting to a good place. i’m almost there.
it’s still very sad though, when i think about you.
the good kind of sad, now. i think.
it’s just sad knowing how well we worked together.. and how we ended up.
i was comfortable with you from the start. comfortable and confident. i had no trouble lending you my sweats that first night.
we have the same tastes in music and movies, the same mannerisms, the same passionate personalities.
we ate delicious food. all the time.
i dunno. i just miss you i suppose.
i’m beginning to be okay with that.
“anger is a secondary emotion… like a mask that we put on to hide what’s really going on. there’s almost always something underneath- emotions that are more difficult to understand or handle. like sadness, fear, disappointment, hurt, etc. but it’s so much harder to be vulnerable and tell someone, ‘hey, that hurts me really bad,’ so we choose to be angry instead.
so anger’s just the tip of the iceberg. the dark part of us that we let people see because we don’t want to feel hurt or we don’t want them to see us hurt. next time you get angry, try something for me. don’t run away from your anger. anger isn’t necessarily a 'bad’ feeling. there’s no feeling that’s 'bad.’ feelings are good. they’re red flags. and they can tell you what’s really bothering you. it’s your actions when you’re angry that can be bad. so next time you’re feeling angry, really try to embrace it. don’t dwell on it, but try to take a second and think about what’s really going on. take a second to find out what’s underneath your anger, whether it be sadness, disappointment, fear, hurt.
you’re very psychologically aware. you’re very smart. i think you probably know about all the cliche anger management techniques that everyone talks about… but i think this will be better for you. like i said, anger is just the tip of the iceberg. once you know what’s underneath, you’ll be able to deal with it in a much more productive and healthy way. you’ll be able to navigate.”
i haven’t seen you not smiling! it’s awesome. you’re just always smiling!“
-kevin from the studio
you just think too much. about everything.
you always need to be perfect. everything has to be perfect.
but you don’t have to be perfect.
remember that.
and remember. no matter what you do. you’ll always be my favorite. no matter what.“
two really shitty things happened this week during really amazing moments in my life
the first was silly. my friends and i were just hiking along a trail at night. it was probably around midnight. we got up to this point where you could see the entire city and even further out to the bay. it was truly beautiful. we were just up there talking and enjoying the view and messing around. we didn’t really see the ranger come up until it was too late to bolt. he ended up being pretty nice, but he told us he had to write us up. we ended up getting tickets. minor infractions, but still the fine would be something over a hundred bucks. just a beautiful moment tarnished by a shitty event that wasn’t really in our control.
tonight, i had an amazing day climbing. i was at the gym with two of my new climber friends here that i had recently formed somewhat of a crew with, and we were all having a lot of fun. it had been a great week for me already since i sent my first V6 on monday. it got even better tonight because julia agreed to be my belay partner so i could get my lead certification. i ended up passing the lead test first shot and we were all just really excited. after that we ended up climbing super hard and just keeping the psych levels really high. then i went back upstairs, and i found that my brand new climbing shoes had been stolen. they were really nice and in perfect condition. i got them for $130. to others this might sound pretty normal, but climbers would understand that it isn’t. in climbing gyms it really feels like a community. like a family, even. people leave their stuff laying around all the time and you just know not to mess with other people’s shit. the fact that someone would just jack my shoes is pretty abnormal, and just pretty fuckin’ ridiculous in general. needless to say i was really bummed. i only got those shoes like less than a month ago and now they’re gone. i really loved them too. they helped me send that first V6 that i was talking about earlier.
i don’t really understand what’s going on.
i’m trying hard to be positive and stay positive, but whenever beauty comes into my life, something comes and fucks it up.
fuck.